Doctor In Need

I suspect the intention was to show something upbeat, so as not to harsh the jolly vibe of Children in Need... but wow, that only barely qualified, and then only if you weren't paying much attention.

The Tenth Doctor puts on a brave face, but from the look of things he's positively sick with fear. The forced jollity drains right out of his voice, becomes something tight and uncomfortable, when he brings the subject matter round to what's actually on his mind: his song is ending soon.

Worst of all, and kudos to sharper eyed people than me for spotting this, is what the Doctor says upon making his unfunny "I locked it like a car" joke. "Funny? No? Little bit?" Word for word the same as the Master, just before he gasses the British cabinet in The Sound of Drums. It's not a stretch to believe that the Doctor is starting to turn into his arch-nemesis, not any more. What is a "Time Lord Victorious" but a Master? Also, Ten's leering innuendo about devirginising Good Queen Bess doesn't seem a million miles away from John Simm lurching around the Valiant groping and French kissing Lucy Saxon; New Who doesn't (at least let's hope) equate heterosexuality with evil, but the flaunting of heterosexual promiscuity was certainly one of the completely-off-the-rails Master's key traits in Last of the Time Lords.

To be honest, after these painful few minutes I'm not sure I'll miss Tennant's Doctor as much as I might have hoped. He's turned into a bit of an irritating idiot, and for what reason? Ultimately, because he fell in love with Rose and then couldn't be with her; a plotline that became increasingly unconvincing as he first rejected the infinitely more attractive and resourceful Martha, and then it turned out that Rose was going to escape from her parallel universe and come visit him at least once a year anyway.

I'm not even convinced by all this "Phosphorus Carousel of the Great Magellan Gestalt" business: frankly, every time RTD attempts to describe the infinite wonders of the Doctor's universe, it invariably sounds to me like a discounted weekend away break at Eurodisney. The pink lei and the sunhat would seem to bear this out: not content with holding a candle for Rose, the Doctor's started to holiday in a chavvy style too, booze cruises and wet T-shirt contests on the Costa del Sol. Here's hoping we get back to a Doctor with the capacity to be a bit more dignified and majestic soon.